are four questionnaires to test whether it is love or addiction.
Among the questions asked are:
If you answer "yes" to any of the above questions you
may have a problem. Is there a way out? Yes, and it takes time,
commitment, support and hard work. And, it can also be fun! To
focus on oneself through a guided program of self discovery like
the one in my book, is incredibly exciting. The rewards? An awareness
of what healthy love is and how to achieve it.
- Has your personal growth stopped? Love-addiction concentrates
so much energy on a relationship, sex or romance, that there's
little left for individual growth.
- Is there a lot of "poor me" or "let me do
it for you" going on? Addictive lovers play psychological
games, becoming the victim, rescuer, or persecutor.
- Have you fallen into the "if only" syndrome? "If
only he would stay home"; "if only he were more
sensitive"; "if only she weren't frigid". Addictive
lovers have a never-ending list of "if onlys" in
a never-ending attempt to find solutions outside of themselves.
- Do you feel abandoned when your lover is away? Addictive
lovers have a hard time with routine separations.
- Do you say "yes" when you want to say "no"?
- Are you into power plays? Do you try to "get even"?
Are you better at giving advice than accepting it? Addictive
lovers are into power and control often feeling that being
"one-up" is better than being "one-down".